i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
