is your mom at the bar?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
