Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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