i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
