I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
