don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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