He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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