She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
