Umm I'm too high to move.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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