Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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