Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
