Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
