I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
