They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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