with your own penis?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
