My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
