I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
