I wish I could punch you in the face.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
