super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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