dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
