Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm both gender and math confused
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
