Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
