No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
