I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
