ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
