I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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