I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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