Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My ATM looks so different sober.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
