Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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