a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
