3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
