God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
