He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm too high and old for this...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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