i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
