I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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