Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
