Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
