I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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