This girl is more easily done than said...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So much rum. So many feels.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize