he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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