If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
