is your mom at the bar?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Couch. On fire.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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