How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize