im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
