I wish life had little blips of pornography
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
