i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My feet surprised me
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