Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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