no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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