My liver just broke up with me...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
