her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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