I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
