Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
