Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
