No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
