What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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