It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
