i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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