You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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