he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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