I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize